What You Should Have Seen #25

30 Minutes or Less

I enjoyed exactly two things about this movie, and neither had anything to do with the story or the acting.

If you’re unfamiliar with the movie, it stars Aziz Ansari, Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride, and Nick Swardson. Eisenberg plays a pizza delivery guy who gets strapped to a bomb vest by McBride and Swardson’s characters. They’re using him to rob a bank. Ansari plays Eisenberg’s best friend.

If the cast doesn’t do it for you (because I’m positive that little summary won’t make you jump with excitement), then don’t even bother with this. Hell, even if the cast does it for you (Ansari and McBride were my main motivations for watching it), you still might want to steer clear. I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be a comedy, but it was severely lacking in humor. I cannot recall laughing once.

If you’re a fan of McBride in East Bound and Down, then you might like him here. Of course, I’m not sure if McBride has much range beyond his Kenny Powers-esque characters.

Ansari is surprisingly the straight man in this double act with Eisenberg, but it’s all for naught since Eisenberg’s character does nothing funny for him to work with. Swardson plays McBride’s sidekick, and his brand of off-the-wall comedy is abandoned in favor of a conflicted henchman.

Eisenberg is dull. There’s less life here than in Zombieland, and there’s less story than in Adventureland.

The two things I enjoyed about this movie were both surprises. Bianca Kajlich, the hot one in CBS’s Rules of Engagement (I don’t want to just say attractive, because I find Megyn Price to be attractive too…just not necessarily hot), has a small role as a stripper. Spoiler alert: she goes topless. There’s surprise number one.

The second thing I enjoyed was the ending credits. Not because it included a blooper reel or a humorous ending scene, but because as the credits rolled I was treated to Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Got Your Money.” That’s a great song.

So, you’re welcome. I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this movie so you won’t have to. Avoid it. All of these actors are in better things. Eisenberg is in The Social Network and Zombieland. Ansari is in Funny People and Parks and Recreation. McBride is in East Bound and Down and Your Highness (which wasn’t all that great, but it was still better than this). Swardson was in Grandma’s Boy and Reno 911! Go watch those instead.

What You Should Have Watched #8

A New Season of Awesomosity

We’re a couple of weeks into the new television season, and I think it’s time to bring back a post from either last year or the year before and update it a bit.

A quick check in the blog archives, and I learn that the post I’m referring to was actually from this year, and it was the first installment in my “What You Should Have Watched” series: Bad TV Made Better, Good TV Made Awesome, Awesome TV Made…Awesomer?” I guess this is Part Two, then.

I’ll quickly reiterate my thoughts from this previous post: Erica Durance (Smallville) is hot. Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) is hot. I’ve given up on Criminal Minds, but Paget Brewster and A.J. Cook are still hot. Kaley Cuoco (The Big Bang Theory) is hot (although she's got a weird smile). And Anna Torv (Fringe) is hot.

Now, who should I add to that list?

Alyson Hannigan hasn’t looked this good since…well…this is probably the best she’s looked, and I’ve always had a crush on her. I balked at watching How I Met Your Mother when it first aired because it looked extremely lame. But it was NPH, he turned me around (wow, that sounds a LOT dirtier than I meant it to). Turns out it’s a good show, as long as you can get past the main character and just enjoy the supporting ones, one of which is Ms. Hannigan. She looks gorgeous this season so far. Maybe it’s the hair, which is darker and longer than in the past.

Following HIMYM on Monday night’s is Rules of Engagement, a truly horrible show that I watch solely for the comedic stylings of Patrick Warburton. But he can’t be on screen all the time, and when he’s not we’re sometimes treated to Bianca Kajlich, previously of….nothing important. Y’know, I take that back. I thoroughly enjoyed her and her character on Boston Public. She’s not the best actress, and her character in RoE is pretty cardboard, but she’s pretty so I don’t fast-forward through her scenes (which I’m starting to do anytime we get a David Spade scene that doesn’t have Puddy in it).

Rounding out Mondy night is Castle, starring the always sexy and classy Nathan Fillion. Crap, I meant to type Stana Katic. According to her IMDB profile, I’ve apparently seen her in a number of things, but it took standing next to Capt. Reynolds every week for me to take notice, I guess.

Tuesday night showcases another Joss Whedon alum, Julie Benz. No Ordinary Family is about a family with super powers starring Ms. Benz and Michael Chiklis (The Shield). Watching it was a no-brainer for me. She’s not really sexy in the show, but I know it’s there. We ALL know it’s there, right? What, you need proof and never watched Desperate Housewives? Yeah, me neither, despite the aforementioned Capt. Reynolds and Darla appearances. So, enjoy this clip. You’re welcome.

We’re skipping Wednesday and moving onto some Must See TV women, starting with Alison Brie on Community. On the show she’s funny and cute. In real life, though, she seems funny and sexy. And it’s amazing that I haven’t started watching Mad Men, yet. Alison Brie, Christina Hendricks, John Hamm (who was awesome on 30 Rock) and Vincent Kartheiser (another Whedon actor. I tend to follow them around everywhere).

I’ve got a nerd crush on Tina Fey, but I don’t know if I’d ever call her sexy. Pretty and cute, sure, but I don’t know if I can get behind sexy. However, Jane Krakowski’s Jenna Maroney has looked incredible so far on this season 30 Rock. It’s difficult to pay attention to a person’s appearance on this show, though, because so much is going on that you have to focus on so many things. It’s really a chore to focus on something so superficial when there’s excellent acting and comedy happening.

I'm looking forward to a few mid-season replacements, including Mr. Sunshine with Andrea Anders (Better Off Ted and Joey) and Perfect Couples with Olivia Munn (whose acting ability is in question having only seen her briefly in Chuck and Iron Man 2).