What You Should Have Seen #25

30 Minutes or Less

I enjoyed exactly two things about this movie, and neither had anything to do with the story or the acting.

If you’re unfamiliar with the movie, it stars Aziz Ansari, Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride, and Nick Swardson. Eisenberg plays a pizza delivery guy who gets strapped to a bomb vest by McBride and Swardson’s characters. They’re using him to rob a bank. Ansari plays Eisenberg’s best friend.

If the cast doesn’t do it for you (because I’m positive that little summary won’t make you jump with excitement), then don’t even bother with this. Hell, even if the cast does it for you (Ansari and McBride were my main motivations for watching it), you still might want to steer clear. I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be a comedy, but it was severely lacking in humor. I cannot recall laughing once.

If you’re a fan of McBride in East Bound and Down, then you might like him here. Of course, I’m not sure if McBride has much range beyond his Kenny Powers-esque characters.

Ansari is surprisingly the straight man in this double act with Eisenberg, but it’s all for naught since Eisenberg’s character does nothing funny for him to work with. Swardson plays McBride’s sidekick, and his brand of off-the-wall comedy is abandoned in favor of a conflicted henchman.

Eisenberg is dull. There’s less life here than in Zombieland, and there’s less story than in Adventureland.

The two things I enjoyed about this movie were both surprises. Bianca Kajlich, the hot one in CBS’s Rules of Engagement (I don’t want to just say attractive, because I find Megyn Price to be attractive too…just not necessarily hot), has a small role as a stripper. Spoiler alert: she goes topless. There’s surprise number one.

The second thing I enjoyed was the ending credits. Not because it included a blooper reel or a humorous ending scene, but because as the credits rolled I was treated to Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Got Your Money.” That’s a great song.

So, you’re welcome. I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this movie so you won’t have to. Avoid it. All of these actors are in better things. Eisenberg is in The Social Network and Zombieland. Ansari is in Funny People and Parks and Recreation. McBride is in East Bound and Down and Your Highness (which wasn’t all that great, but it was still better than this). Swardson was in Grandma’s Boy and Reno 911! Go watch those instead.