Anyways, if you're a regular, you might notice that almost all of the posts from this year were deleted. A couple of weeks ago a friend messaged me on Facebook and said she had stumbled across it and thought I should take a second look at what I had written, especially the more recent posts. So I did, and wow. Two things came to mind: 1) I sounded like an absolutely bat-shit crazy mother fucker, and 2) I threw a really great woman under the bus. I don't like deleting things I write (I DID save everything to a Word document so I can keep it all to myself), but I felt this was necessary. I did this for two reasons. The first was pure selfishness. Like I said, I sounded bat-shit crazy. Sure, it wasn't there in the first post, but you could actually see the evolution of it. My little breakdown was there for all the world to see. Eventually I'll want to be in a relationship again, and I swear if that person were to ever come across my craziness, that'd be it, game over, man.
The second reason was because I HAD thrown someone under a bus. I said some hurtful things because I was hurting. It wasn't right, and I was ashamed. The one post that I kept up because I thought I was being pretty insightful about myself, I edited it a smidge...no names.
So, what have I learned? If I want to write down feelings and shit, buy a fucking journal. Also, keep posting about my comic collection. That damned Locke & Key post has almost 400 views. That's huge for me. There's an update for that in the future.
Still throwing out videos and lyrics, I felt this was appropriate.
When I was young, I was so full of fear
I hid behind anger, held back the tears
It was me against the world, I was sure that I'd win
The world fought back, punished me for my sins
I felt so alone, so insecure, I blamed you instead and made sure I was heard
And they tried to warn me of my evil ways
But I couldn't hear what they had to say
I was wrong, self destruction's got me again
I was wrong, I realized now that I was wrong
And I think about my loves, well I've had a few
I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too
I took what I wanted, put my heart on the shelf
How can ya love me when you don't love yourself
It was me against the world, I was sure that I'd win
The world fought back, punished me for my sins
And they tried to warn me of my evil ways
But I couldn't hear what they had to say
I was wrong, self destruction's got me again
I was wrong, I realized now that I was wrong
And I think about my loves, well I've had a few
I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too
I took what I wanted, put my heart on the shelf
How can ya love me when you don't love yourself
I grew up fast, I grew up hard
something was wrong from the very start
I was fighting everybody, I was fighting everything
but the only one that I hurt was me
I got society's blood running down my face
Somebody help me get outta this place
How could someone's bad luck last so long
until I realized that I was wrong
I was wrong, self destruction's got me again
I was wrong, I realized now that I was wrong
And I think about my loves, well I've had a few
I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too
I took what I wanted, put my heart on the shelf
How can ya love me when you don't love yourself
I was wrong, self destruction's got me again
I was wrong, I realized now that I was wrong
And I think about my loves, well I've had a few
I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too
I took what I wanted, put my heart on the shelf
How can ya love me when you don't love yourself
No comments:
Post a Comment